You know you're in an urban fantasy when...

January 26, 2019

You know you’re in an urban fantasy novel when:

  • The night has eyes (and they’re oval shaped and red)

  • There’s a doorway to another world and it’s covered in ivy

  • The stranger refers to cars as metal boxes with wheels

  • Drains and gutters offer lots of reasons why you don’t go near them

  • You mention the word Fairy and everyone turns away – or –

  • You mention the word Fairy and you’re told it’s spelled Faerie – or –

  • You discover fairies don’t like the term fairy. Or Faerie. “We are the Sidhe.”

  • No one knows how to pronounce the word ‘sidhe’.

  • An annoying expert in all things mythological suddenly turns up

  • The pet dog or cat is anything but what it seems

  • The thing scratching the window pane? It’s not a branch in a breeze.

  • A little kid starts talking to an imaginary friend who has bizarre opinions

  • There’s an Anointed One. They’re a pain in the arse

  • There are footprints in the garden, someone’s wearing Hobbit boots again

  • That dog that’s howling at the moon tonight? It’s not a dog.

  • A book of fairy tales is mysteriously laid open on a table

  • That woman with the long, flowing hair and perfect skin? Yeah. Not a woman.

  • You look for pointy ears, there aren’t any. Lots of pointy teeth though.

  • The cat won’t go upstairs any more, it spits and hisses at nothing.

  • The new neighbours are from Sweden. Who claim Uppsala is the capital. (You Googled it, it was until 1436!)

  • The milk goes sour very quickly these days, even in the fridge.

  • A written message on the frozen window – the Elder wants to see you.

  • The kid with the unibrow who delivers the pizzas? Don’t eat the pizzas!

  • Oak leaves on the patio are arranged so they spell out DANGER

  • Ants appear on the worktop, they form the words YES! DANGER!

  • The water pipes make banging noises at midnight, every night.

  • That dead tree in the garden you want to cut down? It’s called The Witch’s Tree and each time you’ve tried to cut it down, the chain saw stops working.

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